contentment

yesterday, emily and i visited Hope Park Church.  it was so good- and so relevant to me where i am in life right now. 

the pastor talked about how grasping real contentment affects all of your relationships.  especially the intimate ones.  he said lack of contentment will wear the people around you down.

a person who is not content is always absorbed with their own problems.  they often have a high level of complaining.  they are judgmental.  they are critical.  they have a spirit of negativity.  the pastor asked, "do any of you have someone in your life like that?" ... you aren't so excited about hanging out with them next weekend, are you?

i was so convicted.  because i have been that person for the last few months.  i have been so discontent. 


while it was happening- while i was losing contentment- i was so ignorant, so unaware.   i wasn't allowing Christ to be everything to me.  I was using other people in my life to try to find fulfillment. of course no human can do God's job in my life.  i walked through life so unfulfilled... fearful, insecure, hopeless, unhappy. i feel angry that satan stole that from me for so long.  i feel convicted that i allowed it.

but i also feel encouraged and challenged. 

in philippians 4:11, Paul says,  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  The pastor pointed out that the word "learn" here in greek means learning by practice or habit.

it's encouraging to know that I can learn to be content whatever the circumstances.  i am learning that daily.  i can practice contentment.  i can make it a habit.

even though my circumstances in life right now don't feel easy... i still feel content.  i still feel that joy that only comes from the Lord. and i am truly happy.  truly content.  even in suffering. 

it's like i feel alive again.  it feels good to be learning contentment.  it feels good to be made new. 

i just pray that God seals this knowledge within me and does not let satan steal it again.

saying "yes"

yesterday something reminded me of one of the last messages I heard Matt Dean give at Encounter.  I decided to listen to the podcast of it again.  [it's called "story"]  Matt talked about saying "yes" to what God has for us.

this life is not about me .  it's not my story. [to say that life is about me would be like saying a movie is about me when i just play an extra shown on the screen for 2/5 of a second. or less.]

i'm just part of God's unending story.  the way that i get to be involved in God's unending story starts by saying yes.

first by saying yes Lord, i am sinful and i recognize that Jesus is the only way so I place my life and eternity and hope in Jesus.  yes.

matt challenged us in that message to ask "God, what is it that you long for me to say yes to?"

If God is God then whatever he asks of us that would require the answer yes is the best thing for us.  when he says "will you...?" "have you...?"  "do you...?" "should you...?"  our response as we bow to our flesh is yes.  that's the best place for us.

I started thinking about this yesterday as i was hiking at radnor and God reminded me of this message about saying yes and convicted me of it. Because when bad things start to happen... when things that are hard or things that hurt come along... when things don't go my way... when my dreams are shattered... my first instinct is to say no.  no, God, please, no. no no no no no. take this from me. i don't want it. no. i think this is a pretty natural reaction.  we are weak humans who like to be comfortable. 

but God wants me to say yes.  so i'm starting to say yes. 

i guess in a way this also requires a perspective change... instead of no, God, i don't want to walk through that... i don't want to struggle.... i don't want to hurt... i don't want to be broken....

instead of that it's yes, God.  yes, I will walk through that because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. 
yes, God, because I know you will not give me more than i can handle. 
yes, God i will accept what you have for me--- even when it hurts so bad i'd rather rip my broken heart out--- because you know better. You're perspective is so much bigger. 
Saying yes, God, because I believe you will allow me to walk through something hard to draw me closer to you.  You will use everything for the good of those who love you and are called according to your purpose.
yes, God, because on the other side of this thing you are still God, you are still good, and i will know you in a new way. 
yes, God, because you are refining me here. you are shaping and molding me. you are equipping me to better serve you in your story of redeeming the world.

yes. 

song of the day

i have been listening to this song on repeat. "worth it all" by rita springer.  we sang it at fellowship one morning and it is even more true to me today than it was on that sunday morning.  at least read the lyrics.

timing

There's a Right Time for Everything

 There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

   A right time for birth and another for death,
   A right time to plant and another to reap,
   A right time to kill and another to heal,
   A right time to destroy and another to construct,
   A right time to cry and another to laugh,
   A right time to lament and another to cheer,
   A right time to make love and another to abstain,
   A right time to embrace and another to part,
   A right time to search and another to count your losses,
   A right time to hold on and another to let go,
   A right time to rip out and another to mend,
   A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
   A right time to love and another to hate,
   A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-13 [the message]

Sometimes [right now for instance], I want to curse God's timing.  Right now is my time to heal. to cry. to lament. to let go. to mend. I know God is spending time on me in this season.  I know that He plans to use it for good. 

I confidently believe that because I see it.  I see how He is working in me, molding me, transforming me, making me new.  I feel brand freaking new.  so enough! I just want it to be now.  I want to see the good now in its full extent.  no, i will not pray for patience.  in my opinion patience is the worst thing to learn. ha.

Sometimes I feel like I have had enough of these types of seasons in the last couple of years.  But clearly not.

Yes, there is still joy in the midst of suffering.  And I can't thank God enough for the moments of respite from this deep sadness that he provides for me.  But in the moments of my weakness I just don't want to walk through this.  But He gives me strength to do his will.

Thankful that he trades beauty for my ashes.  He comforts those who mourn.  Ready to be on the other side of this... whatever that may mean. 

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61

act like it

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It's because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn't long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it's all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Colossians 3 [the message]

basically what i'm doing these days is just posting what speaks to me.  if the verses i read speak to me or convict me i post them so that i give myself one more opportunity to be sealed within me.

our words

I was thinking tonight about how good little words of affirmation and encouragement make me feel. and giving them makes me feel good too. i started thinking about how powerful what we say can be. i can still remember the meanest things or most discouraging things that have been said to me throughout life and how devastating and debilitating those can be. i also can remember the best stuff that's been said to me... if i had never been told that i was good at teaching i never would have had the courage to pursue it.

our words hold so much power. life is too short to not speak life into those around us. i loved this random little thing i found...

"Jonathan Edwards resolved that in his life he wanted there to be something of benevolence in all he said. What a worthwhile goal that is for all of us. You see, in every conversation we choose whether we are going to

affirm the positive or dwell on the negative
spotlight the growth or the weakness
celebrate the victories or rehash the failures
encourage (give courage to another) or discourage (take courage from another)
think the worst or assume the best
draw them to Christ or push them away"

I love the idea of wanting there to be something of benevolence in all i say.

there is tons of scripture that talks about the power of our words. [james 1:19, james 3, colossians 4:6]

i want to speak life into those around me. even when it's difficult. even when it makes me feel awkward or uncomfortable. even when im angry or hurt or scared.

content whatever the circumstances

I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty.

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Philippians 4 [the message]

One more thing I hope to become... content whatever my circumstances.

content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.