contentment

yesterday, emily and i visited Hope Park Church.  it was so good- and so relevant to me where i am in life right now. 

the pastor talked about how grasping real contentment affects all of your relationships.  especially the intimate ones.  he said lack of contentment will wear the people around you down.

a person who is not content is always absorbed with their own problems.  they often have a high level of complaining.  they are judgmental.  they are critical.  they have a spirit of negativity.  the pastor asked, "do any of you have someone in your life like that?" ... you aren't so excited about hanging out with them next weekend, are you?

i was so convicted.  because i have been that person for the last few months.  i have been so discontent. 


while it was happening- while i was losing contentment- i was so ignorant, so unaware.   i wasn't allowing Christ to be everything to me.  I was using other people in my life to try to find fulfillment. of course no human can do God's job in my life.  i walked through life so unfulfilled... fearful, insecure, hopeless, unhappy. i feel angry that satan stole that from me for so long.  i feel convicted that i allowed it.

but i also feel encouraged and challenged. 

in philippians 4:11, Paul says,  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  The pastor pointed out that the word "learn" here in greek means learning by practice or habit.

it's encouraging to know that I can learn to be content whatever the circumstances.  i am learning that daily.  i can practice contentment.  i can make it a habit.

even though my circumstances in life right now don't feel easy... i still feel content.  i still feel that joy that only comes from the Lord. and i am truly happy.  truly content.  even in suffering. 

it's like i feel alive again.  it feels good to be learning contentment.  it feels good to be made new. 

i just pray that God seals this knowledge within me and does not let satan steal it again.