some days God makes it easy for me to walk where He is leading. Some days I experience so much joy as walking in obedience comes naturally. Other days it is so hard. Today is one of those days where I just don't want to walk through this.
As I was thinking about that today God reminded me of Jesus' words when He is about to be crucified for our sins.
“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” [luke 22:42]
I feel like i know how Jesus felt [of course to a MUCH smaller degree]. Today is one of those days where I just want to pray, Lord, take this cup from me. I am trying so hard to follow that with: yet not my will, but yours be done.
In my weakness and in my inability to understand the mystery of who God is, I'm so scared. Scared of what he will ask of me... scared of what He has for me... or doesn't have for me in the future.
It's so difficult for me to just be present in today. Because today life is not easy. Today, I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm walking through what feels like the hardest thing I have ever walked through. And I would rather just hop to the future and be okay.
I already see the work God is doing. I already see the good. Tons of good has come because I said yes to this. So my tendency is to want to say...okay, God, that's enough now. that's a whole lot of good stuff you've taught me and given me. now let me go apply it. But I have to trust His timing and trust His plan. I have to believe that He who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion.
All I can do is ask for His strength to enable me to walk in obedience.... hoping that as I take steps down this path He's made for me my heart will eventually follow.
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