convicted

so a lot of what i feel lately can best be described under the category convicted. it's weird though because i also feel so much freedom. it's like the more things i feel convicted about the more free i feel to be better. does that make any sense? probably not.

for example.... this verse...

"be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."

even in those little 2 sentences from 1 thessalonians 5 i feel so. much. conviction.

the part that is most convicting to me is the "be cheerful no matter what" part...

me in the past:
but God! i have low blood sugar! i'm practically hypoglycemic! it is perfectly natural for me to be a huge brat when i'm hungry! i can't help it!

nope. he says be cheerful no matter what. even when i'm stressed.  even when i'm hungry.  even when life feels unbearable.  when things don't go my way.  i am still called to be who God wants me to be... regardless of these worldly circumstances.

yes i think it's okay to have feelings and to express them.  but having feelings and expressing them is different than being a huge brat to the people around me.

"thank God no matter what happens"  i almost feel like this one is easier for me than the be cheerful one.  why does being cheerful (or as the other translations put it- be joyful always) no matter what seem so impossible?  i think it's because it seems like i will have to fake it.  like i don't really feel cheerful when im hungry or stressed... but im supposed to pretend?

i don't think that's the point.  i think the point is that I need to be working toward a place where I am so in love with Jesus and so confident that he is ALL i need that the other stuff just doesn't feel like a big deal anymore.  if i truly trust and love the Lord with all of my mind, soul, heart and strength then I will be able to live joyfully, cheerfully out of that love knowing that He provides everything I need.

i'm sorry to those of you who have experienced my bratty-ness or lack of cheerfulness or lack of joy.  i am learning what it means to be truly fulfilled by the One who created me and sustains me and learning to live my life out of gratitude for what i've been given.  and it's so good.